| Commonalities | Skateboarding | Career |
|---|---|---|
| I worked hard, but in the wrong way. | I went skating multiple times a week and still couldn’t ollie. | I worked after hours regularly but didn’t get a promotion. |
| I didn’t put enough effort into the right things because I was and still am scared of being judged and compared. Without exposing myself to the public, I didn’t improve as fast as I wanted. | I avoided skate parks because I was scared of people judging me as an adult beginner, let alone I wear pads all the time. | I didn’t put much effort in presenting my work to the higher-up management chain, because I presumably didn’t think they would value my work. |
| I have little confidence in things that I really want to do. | I thought I would never be able to drop in. | I thought I would never be able to lead a project with clear structure and planning done by myself. |
| The fear of judgment is just a monster I created that isn’t real. | When I go to skateparks, people are nice. They cheer me up and share tips with me. | When I collaborate with people, some of them genuinely care about my projects and share career tips with me. |
| You must believe what’s true in your own mind is also true universally. | I need pads but I’m scared of people in the park judging me because of that. | I need some comments/help on reading new code or understanding other people’s doc, but I can be shy of asking for help. |
| Relaxing and resting are important. | Yoga, gym and stretching help me get confidence in skateboarding and avoid getting hurt. | Fixing my sleep schedules, my diet and having scheduled trips to relax did help. |
| The fear is real and common. When you feel the fear, start small and ask for support. | I had a hard time conquering my fear on dropping in. But with my dad hand-holding and with my peers encouraging me, I eventually did it. | I had and am still having hard times writing docs. I could start small and ask for feedback from my peers and seniors. |
| Be brave but not too brave to hurt yourself. (Quoting from the 7 year old in Vans skatepark) | I would want to start dropping in with a small ramp then to medium ramps, but not a 180 degree ramp to get me into hospital. | I would want to do challenging projects, but step by step not anything that exhaust myself. |
| Instead of comparing myself with others, I need to compare myself today with myself yday. | I kept comparing myself with people who grew up skateboarding. | I kept comparing myself with people who are native speakers and people who grew up with better education resources. |
| I become stagnant when I isolate myself. | I had less progress when skating in an empty skate park than a park with skilled skateboarders. | I become less energetic when working on my own for too long. |
| I enjoy doing many things but can have mixed feelings on them. | I enjoy skateboarding. It makes me happy. However, the fear of getting hurt and being judged is real. | I enjoy solving problems and building things. However, the frustration of being stagnant is real. |
Quoting myself:
Be fearless to show yourself by speaking what you truly think. Be relentless in executing your own decision.
Here are some concrete action items:
- Go to skateparks regularly.
- Go to local meetups.
- Start writing my cpr draft and proactively seeking feedbacks and support.
- Put conscious efforts into maintaining the Yin side of my life, including yoga, boardgames, fiction reading, travel.